


and i'm sad to the core, core, core, every day is a chore, chore, chore

by lysanderwarrior



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Anxiety, But I really like Naegami, Byakuya has anxiety because of his past hc, Character Study, Could be platonic, Hugs, M/M, Panic Attacks, not ship-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:36:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lysanderwarrior/pseuds/lysanderwarrior
Summary: Byakuya breaks down after the fourth trial.
Relationships: Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 5
Kudos: 241





	and i'm sad to the core, core, core, every day is a chore, chore, chore

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted to write something about Byakuya because I love him and I feel like a lot of people just see him as rude and stuck up and call it a day

After the fourth trial, he threw up.

Byakuya Togami didn’t just throw up,  _ no, _ he showed no sign of weakness at all. It was out of the question; it was unacceptable, in fact.

Yet there the heir was, hunched over a toilet seat in the closest boys’ bathroom he could rush to right after the trial, the acid burning in his throat as his knees shook in desperation to keep himself standing.

He had been so wrong; wrong about the killer, wrong about the motives, wrong about everything.

For Byakuya Togami, being wrong was not an option.

If he were back at the Togami residence (calling it home would’ve been like calling the killing game a vacation), he would’ve already been disowned.

What kind of Ultimate Perfection couldn’t recognize a clear suicide? 

Byakuya accepted defeat - in more ways than one - sliding down against the stall door, right onto the dirty tiled floor. His legs couldn’t hold him up anymore and he already knew the answer.

_ The kind that wasn’t perfect. _

He had acted so brave, as he should’ve, telling all of his rivals - no, _ peers _ \- he had no intention of committing murder for the sake of winning the game anymore. That was true, but he hadn’t been honest about his reasoning.

Could he really commit the perfect murder if he couldn’t even figure out an obvious one?

His heart pounded against the knees that were pressed to his chest. His glasses were fogged up, and it took Byakuya a second to realize he was crying. He swallowed the acidic taste down his throat with an equally bitter chuckle. 

Oh, if his father was to see him now. In fact, behind the security camera that was looking over all the stalls probably was the mastermind, laughing at him just as condescendingly as his father would have.

As Byakuya gasped for breath between his tears, his hands clenched the fabric of his trousers to the point he knew they were going to get stretched and ruined. It was a while since he had one of these, completely losing his composure and breaking down. 

He was so used to being right. Because that was what he had to be; he had to be right. He had to be the best, because if he wasn’t, he was nothing. That must’ve been why accepting defeat felt impossible to him. Yes, that would seem correct and just using logical thinking would help him understand that. 

But why couldn’t he do it?

All he could muster to comprehend was  _ ‘I was wrong. I lost’. _

If he had to have flashbacks of his past, he much rather would’ve preferred hearing slamming doors and yelling rather than complete silence he received. Isolation. Making a mistake meant being left behind, and this time Byakuya must’ve made at least a thousand of those. Now he was getting left behind.

The back of his head was pressed against the stall door, eyes looking up at the blurry ceiling, when the door to the bathroom opened.

“Byakuya? Are you in here?” called one of the students who had time and time again proved Byakuya wrong during the trial, Makoto Naegi.

Of course he was in there, his jacket could be seen from underneath the stall door. He really should’ve chosen a better place to break down, but the lump in his throat had kept growing and growing through the elevator ride back up, and he had no other choice besides throwing it all up on the floor, and that would’ve broken every single impression the others had of him.

Instead of replying, Byakuya clasped a hand over his mouth to silence his crying. As if breathing wasn’t already hard enough.

“You disappeared so quickly after we came back, I- we were going to gather in the dining hall to talk.” The lucky student’s steps led him to the stall Byakuya was in, no doubt wondering what the heir was doing collapsed on the floor.

The second he would take his hand off his lips, he’d burst into tears. So he didn’t.

“...Are you okay?”

Byakuya leaned forward, taking support of the disgusting edge of the toilet with his free hand to help himself stand up. His knees felt weak, his whole form shivering yet burning hot. He dropped his hand off his face, a small but tortured cry escaping his lips.

“I’m fine,” he forced through the invisible barbed wire wrapped around his neck.

“You don’t _ sound  _ fine,” Makoto replied instead, trying the handle of the stall. It opened with a small whine from the hinges, reminding Byakuya of how panicked he had been when running inside the stall, forgetting to lock the door.

He sighed, taking his glasses off his face and rubbing the tears off his eyes with the base of his palm as he turned to face Makoto, hoping to look annoyed instead of like a madman who had just cried hysterically because he lost a competition that in the end wasn’t really even a competition.

When he opened his eyes again, placing his glasses back, Makoto was looking up at him with a frown.

“Y-you’re crying?”

“Yes, it’s impressive you’d be able to recognize that,” Byakuya tried to scoff, but he sounded more tired than anything.

Makoto looked so very confused, and the heir couldn’t really blame him.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’d much rather return to my room than the dining hall with you people.”

He was already three and a half steps away from Makoto when the boy suddenly grabbed his arm. Byakuya froze.

“Is this about what Kyoko said? About you - you know, not understanding others’ emotions?”

Byakuya hadn’t even stopped to think about that. He had spent the last hour or so trying to ignore his own emotions (and failed miserably). Suddenly he felt very hot again.

He ripped his arm free of Makoto’s soft grip, crossing his arms and squatting down on the floor as the wire around his neck tightened. He looked down, feeling the upcoming tears pricking at his widened eyes and a thousand invisible glares of the Togami family and his peers staring him down behind his back.

But there was only Makoto, who kneeled next to him and pulled him into a hug with no hesitation when he probably really had no idea what was going on. But that was fine, because it felt better to cry against Makoto’s shoulder and clench the back of his jacket than to be alone. Makoto held onto him firmly, his warm embrace nearly drowning out all the negative emotions inside Byakuya.

He didn’t know what to say - how to explain this mess of a person he was right now, but from the looks of it, Makoto didn’t require an explanation. He didn’t care that Byakuya had been wrong, because everyone makes mistakes and they still got through the trial together. Byakuya wished he could think like that.   
  


Soon he realized, he had never been embraced like this.

Before when he’d do something wrong, screw up, make a small mishap, he’d be left alone to figure out how to do better, to make sure he wouldn’t bring disgrace for his whole family.

If it had been up to him to lead the trial, they’d all be dead. Makoto must’ve known that. Yet there he was, holding him as if Byakuya hadn’t been wrong.

And in that moment (and later that night when he’d shift his position in his bed and bump hips with Makoto, while Kyoko would sigh in disappointment in Makoto’s empty room) with someone as imperfect yet perfect as Makoto calming him down, Byakuya felt right again.


End file.
